Chuck vs the Ass Kicking Santa
by P.J. Murphy
Summary: Chuck, Sarah, and Casey must obtain sensitive information from another agent. But when Casey is roped into playing Santa Claus at the Buy More on Christmas Eve, the situation gets complicated. One-shot holiday story, a little angst, Charah, and fluff.


_Hello. I had resisted doing a Chuck Christmas story, but that didn't last very long. I went for something wasn't overly sweet or depressing, but there are small elements of each in this story. The idea for Chuck's present for Sarah was the same thing that I did with a girlfriend I had a long time ago. I thought the idea was cute._

_Hope everybody has a good holiday, and could you give me a couple of reviews for this? Please? I'll put in a good word for you with the big guy in the red suit!_

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* * *

Orange Orange  
December 23, 2009  
5:30 PM**_

"Thank you, and have a Merry Christmas."

Sarah never thought facial expressions was a worthwhile course at the CIA…until now.

She kept a smile for everybody that came into the Orange Orange that day, taking a break from their last-minute shopping to try the hazelnut and peppermint frozen yogurt flavors the shop was featuring right now. Unfortunately, she didn't have a smile for herself. The last 8 months had been the most difficult of her life. Just when she thought she had everything figured out and finally decided she would think of herself for once, everything changed.

Chuck downloaded the new Intersect. And now it was her job to be his superior. His teacher. Not his partner, not his girlfriend, not his lover, and not his wife. Those were the things she finally wanted out of life, and she was one dance too late.

She could hear some of the words she told Chuck...  
_You can do anything you want to.  
You can live whatever life you choose with whomever you choose.  
How many times do you have to be a hero before you realize you are that guy?_

Chuck was always a good listener, wasn't he. Now their relationship had changed completely. He became that guy, and he was damn good at it. As a result, now he was even more vital to the country. He wasn't that innocent, sweet guy she had to remind to wait in the car anymore. He was…a real spy. He was Bryce on steroids. He was Casey with a sense of humor. He was…her. But it wasn't what she wanted. Unfortunately, she picked the wrong time to start listening to herself and think she deserved more than what she had before now.

She was absentmindedly cleaning the counter for the 50th time since the last customer left. She didn't even hear the door chime. Given what she had been thinking about while cleaning the counter, perhaps Chuck wasn't the best person to walk in right now.

"Hey, Sarah."

_Of course he's smiling_, she thought. _He won't even give me a chance to be mad._

"Hi Chuck."

"OK, I admit we tried this last year, and it didn't work out so well. But, what do you say to Christmas Eve, with Ellie and Devon, open presents, a little eggnog, maybe the occasional carol being sung? Preferably after we've had a lot of eggnog? Ellie and Devon bought me _Rock Band_ for an early Christmas gift, and we need a bassist. And then, _Twilight Zone _marathon on Christmas Day? Come on, you know you deserve a real Christmas."

Sarah looked down and smiled. She was just hoping for a good Christmas depression, like she had many times before. It was something she was used to. But Chuck wasn't going to let her get away with it. And she couldn't say no to him when he gave her the big smile and full-on puppy-dog brown eyes.

"That sounds good. Is there anything you wanted for Christmas?"

"Just for you to be there and try not to get us booed out of the game. Ellie has challenged me, and I can't back down from it."

She gave a little laugh. "OK. Deal."

Sarah's iPhone began to beep. She checked the ID. "Hmm, it's a little odd for General Beckman to be calling this late."

Chuck looked out of the store's window. Casey was already on his way over. "I guess he got the message, too."

"Let's go."

Casey entered the Orange Orange, and Sarah locked the door behind him. Chuck went to open the entrance to Castle, and the three walked downstairs. Casey entered a code on the facility's remote, and the image of General Beckman appeared on the screen.

"Agent Bartowski, Agent Walker, Colonel Casey. I have to delay your holiday for a few hours tomorrow. We have received word from another operative in your area that they have sensitive information regarding a computer network The Ring has been using to communicate and transfer funds between its various entities. He was supposed to give that information to one of our contacts from Langley who went out there to meet him. However, that contact was found dead earlier this morning. We suspect foul play."

"You need a new handoff person," Casey replied with the standard precision he reserved for duty.

"Correct. But to protect the Intersect, we do not want a face-to-face handoff. We cannot risk anybody knowing about Chuck."

"Uh, General," Chuck chimed in. "It would be difficult to get away from the Buy More tomorrow without raising suspicion. Big Mike and Emmett cancelled everyone's requests for time off. They're having a big sale to try and turn around how bad things went this season. Everybody has to be there from 8AM to 8PM. Big Mike is going to be Santa; we are handing out discount coupons, the works. Knowing Emmett, he'd be crazy enough to look under every rock to find us."

"Agent Bartowski, I'm hardly concerned about whether the Buy More has a Merry Christmas this year…"

"General, maybe we can take advantage of this," replied Sarah. "If we make the Buy More the dropoff, that means we'll have three pairs of eyes to keep watch on him as he hands off the files. He walks in, places the data in a location we designate, and walks out."

The General paused for a moment. "Is there such a place in the Buy More?"

Chuck looked up with a smile. "The recycled ink cartridge bin. There's a place in the Buy More near the Nerd Herd desk where customers can return old ink cartridges from their printers. It's a one-way storage bin. You can throw something in, but you need a key if you wanted to take anything out. Only Big Mike, Emmett, and I have the keys to it."

"This is not the most ideal situation, but time is against us. Agent Bartowski and Colonel Casey, proceed. Agent Walker, make the occasional stop at the Buy More tomorrow. Come up with some excuse to hang around the area. Make this happen."

The screen went blank.

_**Buy More  
December 24, 2009  
7:55 AM**_

Chuck and Casey made their way onto the Buy More floor. Casey's expression, like every other time he donned the green shirt of a Buy More salesperson, indicated he'd rather be tortured at the hands of a Taliban warlord than to deal with the millionth customer asking if they still had copies of _Star Trek_ available. Damn nerds, anyway. The upgraded Intersect hadn't changed Chuck's personality for the better, and it was giving him no shortage of consternation. To make matters worse, his flight to the East Coast was already cancelled due to the weather out there. It wouldn't be the first time he wouldn't see his mother, sister, and nephew at Christmas, and certainly he had far more life-threatening reasons for not seeing them than this in the past. But even the most hardened NSA agent needed the occasional time off.

"Gather 'round, people!"

Emmett's annoying droll echoed throughout the store. Everybody gathered.

"I just got off of the phone with Big Mike, and he has come down with the flu. Therefore, I will be running the store today. And do you know what that means? No breaks longer than legally allowed, you get 30 minutes for lunch, and don't even THINK about playing anything but Christmas music on the stereo today!"

"Who is playing Santa?" the fat, redheaded salesperson asked.

"Certainly not you," Emmett sneered. "We need someone who can actually act like Santa. And being fat alone won't do it. We also need someone that won't get us on _Dateline_ or in trouble with the law…Jeff."

Emmett continued down the line until he got to Casey. "John. That will be you. The suit should be in Mike's office. Just use some packing wrap from the back to stuff it."

Casey's growl was beginning to emanate from deep with inside of him. "Sir, respectfully, I don't think I'm the best person to play Santa."

"Nonsense. How many people buy washers and dryers or large outdoor grills at the last minute for Christmas, hmm? You'd be the least busy of any of the salespeople and one of the only ones responsible enough to handle a bunch of kids sitting on your lap. The job is yours. Morgan, you'll assist him. Get an elf costume on. DISMISSED!"

Chuck quickly grabbed Casey before he could commit a crime not related to his job. "Casey, Casey, it's OK."

"How in the hell will this be OK, moron? A bunch of whiny kids bitching about what they want some imaginary fat guy to bring them for Christmas? Do they not get the concept Santa would be busy today? And what in the hell do you propose I do if something goes wrong? Give the bad guys a lump of coal?"

"Look, look. The bin is right by the Nerd Herd desk. And Santa's chair is on a platform a few steps up, so someone sitting in it would have a full view of the store. And you're identity will stay safe!"

"It's not my identity we have to keep secret, idiot!"

"It will be fine. You'll know if something goes wrong, and Sarah is going to be here as well. We'll still have the drop well-covered."

Casey's lowered growl seemed to indicate acknowledgement, but Chuck figured not to push his luck and give him grief about it. At least, not until later.

_**Buy More  
December 24, 2009  
11:30 AM**_

The store was fairly crowded for Christmas Eve, and people were taking advantage of the "sales" that Big Mike and Emmett supposedly set up. However, Chuck noticed their sale prices looked suspiciously like their regular prices from last week. It was quite disturbing how much of a Scrooge Emmett was, but Chuck figured a visit from three ghosts wouldn't do Emmett much good.

"And what do you want for Christmas, young boy?" Casey's efforts at being Santa were marginal at best. He greeted every child as if he used to root for the Wicked Witch of the West in _The Wizard of Oz_.

"Is that your real beard?" An obnoxious 7-year old didn't wait for the answer and started pulling on Casey's fake beard. Casey grabbed the beard to keep it in place, growling in the process. The young boy started crying, and his mother grabbed him off of Santa.

"What is wrong with you!" The mother glared at Casey as she quickly left the store. Morgan walked up behind Casey.

"Dude, you have to be patient," he whispered. "They're little brats, but the job has to be done. Buck up, big John." He patted Casey on the back. Casey turned to him with a look of fire in his eyes.

"Maybe you should ask Santa for a proctologist, because you might need one for the lump of coal you'll get if you ever touch me again." Morgan quickly backed off and lifted the next child onto Casey's lap.

Sarah walked into the Buy More and went directly to the Nerd Herd station, trying her best not to laugh as she saw Casey dealing with the little kids.

"Should I even ask how Casey is doing?" Sarah asked Chuck, somewhat buoyed by Casey's troubles.

"If Casey were actually Santa, all of those misfit toys would have refused to get off that island."

Sarah laughed quietly so Casey wouldn't hear it. She couldn't help but feel sorry for the big guy. First his flight gets canceled, and now this. Most of the cons she had to pull at Christmas with her father weren't this humiliating.

"No dropoff yet?"

"Nothing," Chuck replied. "I checked the bin 2 hours ago. But I can only check it if Jeff, Lester, and Emmett aren't around. They know we hardly go into this thing. They'd start asking questions if they saw me rummaging around in there."

"OK. I'll go back to the Orange Orange, and return in a couple of hours. If anything happens before then, call me right away."

"You got it." Both of them glanced at Casey, who just discovered a little boy wet himself on his lap. He looked ready to go out of his mind.

"Just to be on the safe side, bring some bail money back with you," Chuck said with a sympathetic glance towards Casey.

Sarah left for the Orange Orange, and Chuck went to a customer who was having problems adding her son's picture to his number on her mobile phone. Chuck showed her how to add the picture while taking the occasional sideways glance at Casey, who appeared to be at wit's end dealing with the kids.

"Oh, thank you so much for your help! You are a life saver!" The older woman's compliment brought Chuck back to attention.

"Not a problem, ma'am. That's what we're here for. You have a lovely Christmas."

"I'll have to come back here and bring you some cookies. My grandkids can't get enough of them."

"That's very sweet of you, ma'am." The customer departs, and Chuck turns around just in time to see someone walk away from the desk. The man did not ask a question, but Chuck noticed the display containing plastic sleeves for people to return their ink cartridges was out of order. He turned to Lester.

"What did that guy want, Lester?"

"No idea, Chuck. He just took an envelope and placed a cartridge in the bin. I'll let you handle it, since I'm not supposed to be working on the Jewish holidays."

"Lester, Hanukkah ended 5 days ago."

"Oh, well. You have the key, anyway. You deal with it."

Chuck shook his head and dialed Sarah on his mobile phone. "Sarah, I think he made the dropoff."

"OK, Chuck. I'm heading back over there."

Sarah went around the counter and headed for the door. Someone walked into the store.

"I'm sorry sir," Sarah started. "We're closing for lunch for a few minutes. I have to get some supplies…"

The man pulled out a gun and aimed it at Sarah. "I'm sure you are…Agent Walker." He motioned with his gun. "Let's go."

Sarah tried to maintain a neutral expression as a second person joined her and the man outside of the shop. She also pointed a gun at Sarah. The two of them walked with Sarah to the Buy More.

Chuck quietly motioned to Casey. He nodded at Casey, and Casey nodded back. Sarah entered the Buy More and immediately tried to walk in the opposite direction from Chuck. Chuck crossed the floor to talk to her. She spotted him and her eyes widened.

"No…" she whispered. It was too late. A third agent came up behind Chuck and put a gun in his back.

"This way, please." Chuck looked behind him, and the man prodded him with the gun. The three agents led Chuck and Sarah to the employees' break room. Casey looked at them walk back with the three, but he couldn't move with a 7-year-old girl on his lap who had an unending list of requests for Santa.

In the break room, the two agents who captured Sarah kept their guns trained on Chuck and Sarah while the third agent kept watch outside.

"Where is it, Agent Walker?" the woman asked. Sarah just shrugged.

"We know Agent Valentine passed you some information about our organization. Where is it?" Sarah remained silent.

"Wh-where is Agent Valentine?" Chuck asked, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

"Oh, being loaded on a boxcar as we speak," the man replied. "The train will probably be somewhere in Kentucky by the time his body is discovered. And if we don't get the data right now, you won't get such a quick death. Now, where is your third team member? Does he have the data?"

Casey looked at the crowd. There were still 20 people in line, and Emmett would have a fit if he took a break. He suddenly had an idea.

"Ho, ho, uh-oh. Someone had a little accident on Santa's lap. Let me go clean this up, and I'll be right back, kids." Casey quickly got up and grabbed the sack of presents.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Morgan asked in a hushed tone.

"Entertain them, yell at them, I don't care. Just keep everybody here."

Casey headed for the hallway in the back. Two other Ring agents followed him.

In the break room, the two Ring agents with Chuck and Sarah were starting to run out of patience. The female agent reached into a bag and grabbed two automatic weapons, handing one of them to her partner.

"Very well. We will kill you, go outside in the store, and tear it apart to find the data. And we will shoot every single person out there as well. Nothing is going to stop us from retrieving that information."

Casey went through the double doors and knew someone was following him by the fact that the double doors swung too many times. He slowed his pace a few steps and the two men following him caught up. He took the bag of toys and swung it at them. They were knocked off-stride, and Casey landed a vicious jab on each. They charged him. Casey tried to sidestep them, and all three landed on the floor. Casey wrapped his arms around both agents' necks and lifted hard. Both of their necks were snapped.

The two agents with Chuck and Sarah turned when they heard the ruckus outside. Chuck and Sarah kicked their guns out of their hands. Sarah landed a vertical kick at the female Ring agent, and Chuck took out the other with a shot to the face. Both Ring agents were rendered unconscious. The agent standing outside the door kicked it in and pointed his guns at Chuck and Sarah.

"Stop right there," he said in a sinister way. "You're not getting away that easily. Let's go."

He motioned with his guns for Chuck and Sarah to exit the break room. He kept the guns pointed at them as they walked down the hall. They encountered Casey on the floor, and the agent pointed one of the guns at him.

"Well, well. It looks like I'll be getting that data after all. You may have defeated the others, but lucky for me, I asked Santa for a couple of Sig Sauer P228's for Christmas."

The agent turned his attention to Chuck and Sarah. Casey reached in the bag and pulled out a Christmas stocking. He twirled it in the air and whipped it at the agent. The stocking wrapped around his neck, and an object inside of the stocking slammed against the agent's head. The agent fell to the ground.

Casey got up and walked over to the motionless agent, kicking the guns away. "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

Chuck looked at him with a huge grin, doubly thankful. "I think that was your best bad pun yet."

Sarah removed the stocking from around the agent's neck. "What was in this thing?" She shook out the stocking, and a bunch of broken charcoal briquettes landed in her hand.

"Seriously, a lump of coal?" Chuck looked at the stocking and saw the name on it. "Wow, Big Mike thinks of everything. This was Jeff's Christmas gift."

Chuck, Sarah, and Casey walked back to the main floor of the Buy More. All of the kids in line were crying.

"Morgan, what is going on?" Chuck asked incredulously.

"Hey, blame Lester for this. This was his doing."

Chuck turned to Lester. "What did you tell them?"

"Hey, I don't want them to be disappointed when they get older. Just thought I'd tell them the truth about Santa now so they get it out of the way."

For the first time that day, Casey was in a holiday spirit. "Hope that new Intersect includes a degree in child psychology," he whispered to Chuck as he walked back to deal with the agents in the back of the store.

_**Echo Park  
December 24, 2009  
9:00 PM**_

"Chuck, are you sure she's coming?"

Ellie was certainly glad to have Chuck here, as she remembered how badly the previous Christmas Eve went. Devon's decision to take on Ned Rhyerson last year earned him a few nights on the couch, but Chuck convinced her he and the other guys did the right thing in stopping him.

"Well, she said she was. I don't know. She's been in a bit of a funk lately. I thought the big offer of a nice dinner and a roaring fire with all of us would be enough to snap her out of it. But this time of year is always tough on her. It's not her favorite holiday."

Truthfully, it wasn't Chuck's favorite anymore, either. It took a long time for him to come to grips with seeing Sarah shoot someone in cold blood, even if it was for his safety. The distance that he and Sarah felt lately wasn't helping that, either.

"Well, everybody needs family this time of year, even if it's not your own."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Chuck opened the door to find both Sarah and Casey there.

"Hi Sarah. Glad you could make it." He gave her a kiss that she happily accepted, which was a little unusual these days. "Casey, good to see you, too. Although I am a bit surprised."

"Well, we couldn't let the hero of the day be by himself at Christmas," Sarah replied.

"Hero of the day?" Ellie asked.

"Oh, you didn't hear? A couple of irate parents started to go at it at the Buy More. Casey got in there, separated them, and got everything calmed down in a hurry."

"Wow, John. Very impressive. Then this dinner is for you, too! Please come in. Enjoy yourself. We had a present to give you, anyway."

"Oh, I don't want to impose, Ellie," Casey replied, trying desperately to get out of this.

"John, I'm not letting you sit alone in your apartment at Christmas. You're staying."

Casey gave her a fake smile and lowered his voice so only Chuck and Sarah could hear it. "This is not funny, you two."

"Stop it," Sarah rebuked. "I already know the weather cancelled your trip to see your mother, and we owe you for saving our lives today. So you're going to enjoy yourself tonight whether you like it or not."

"Yeah, otherwise I tell Ellie you used to sing in the choir," Chuck piled on. "Think you'll be able to escape her then?"

Casey emitted a low growl but immediately clammed up when Devon brought him a scotch.

"I broke out the good stuff for you, John."

"Thanks," Casey replied as he took the proffered scotch. Sarah went to hug Ellie and gave her the wine she brought.

Devon lowered his voice. "Any chance I can find out what really happened today?"

"Sorry, Devon. No offense."

"Hey, none taken, bro. I'm sure you did something very important for all of us today. Awesome."

Following dinner, everybody was relaxing around the fire and Christmas tree. Ellie bounded around like a child who found out Santa made his deliveries.

"Sarah, this is for you." Ellie handed her an envelope, and Sarah became alarmed.

"Ellie, you didn't have to do this. I forgot to bring you a present."

"Not to worry. We're doing the "give to charity" thing this Christmas. I think the wedding was enough of a present for us this year. Besides, being with my little brother is the best thing you can give us."

Sarah smiled. _If only I really could,_ she thought. She opened the envelope to find an all-day treatment at the Aqua Star Spa in Beverly Hills.

"Oh, Ellie, this is way too much! This is a wonderful gift!" Sarah probably never said anything more truthful to Ellie. Regardless of her relationship with Chuck, Sarah absolutely adored his sister.

"It's nothing, Sarah. You look like you needed some relaxation. I hope that helps you."

"Thanks, Ellie," Sarah replied, giving her a big hug.

Chuck got another gift from under the tree. "This one is for you, Casey."

"Thank you," he replied, a little uncomfortable with people being nice to him. He opened the box to find a selection of cigars and a set of Waterford Crystal shot glasses. "This is…very impressive. It's a great gift. Thank you for thinking of me."

Chuck returned to the tree and got the last gift. "And this is from me to you, Sarah."

"Chuck, you really didn't have to get me anything."

"Well, in fairness, Ellie gave me a few ideas."

Sarah ripped the wrapping paper off and opened the box. A teddy bear was inside. "Oh, this is too cute. That was very sweet of you, Chuck…" She looked at the bear and noticed it was wearing diamond earrings.

_He remembered that?_

Sarah couldn't believe Chuck remembered that day back in October when they were conducting surveillance on a shopping mall and she lingered at a jewelry store's window a little too long.

She could feel the emotion swelling up inside of her. She grabbed Chuck and held him tightly. "How did you get these? These were insanely expensive!" Sarah whispered.

"I saw you looking at these in the jewelry store, and I had some money left over from Ellie's wedding," he whispered back.

Sarah kept her eyes shut until the tears stopped. She then pulled back and gave Chuck a kiss. Part of it may have been pretending to be the appreciative girlfriend for Ellie and Devon, but in reality she wanted that kiss to be much, much more.

"Thank you, Chuck," she said as she pulled away.

"A toast, everybody," Devon interrupted the proceedings. "Whatever you have to do at this time of year, whatever it takes, no matter how bad things might seem, as long as you have people you care about to spend this time with, that's all you'll ever need. Thank you for being here tonight. Cheers."

"Cheers." Everybody raised their glasses.


End file.
